The last couple days I have been struggling with my thoughts and trying to focus on the lighter side of things. It’s becoming another challenge, Mr. Anxiety, and his black dog are trying to take over my thoughts again, especially his dog.
Last night while trying to enjoy the night and live music I found myself extremely distracted and unable to really focus on conversations. The picture you see on the left is just a beer coaster that just got demolished by my distracted thoughts and my inability to really get out of my head. Even the people I was with commented on this even before I realized what my mind and hands were doing.
This to me is a sign that something isn’t right and there is something bothering me. Maybe there is. Maybe the fact that I don’t feel as close to anyone as I use to before, that is just someone’s girlfriend and that the friends I made aren’t my friends but really I’m just friends with them due to the fact that he is around. Listen to that, isn’t that the anxiety talking there. I’ve been just noticing that I don’t contribute to the conversations as much as before, and nor what I have to say seems to be of importance. Ugh again the anxiety speaking here. As my therapist used to say, is there any proof of this? is this accurate? what have you done to make this a valid thought?
I don’t know I’m just finding myself slipping away again, I don’t even really want to go anywhere today, but I know I want to socialize because I will kick myself in the butt for wasting a Saturday/weekend. I just kinda want to stay home and hang out with my new addition to the family, Mork ( Crested Gecko). I then won’t have to socialize with the world….
I think the Black dog is really trying to kick me down and keep me there…..