Unhappy thoughts

Trying to stay clear of negative thoughts knowing that my surroundings are not as great as they once were. I am struggling Day after day to see the happier side of things.

I don’t want to waste my time here on earth surround by my own thoughts of unhappiness, because in reality my situation isn’t completely unhappy. I have a loving partner, very supportive parents who I get to see once a year, and a job that allows me to keep food on the table and allows me to do new and exciting things.

I don’t know what it is… well that’s scratch that, I know what it is that is causing my unhappiness, but without it.. I will be even more unhappy.

Hopefully with the new found freedom I am going to develop by obtaining my motorcycle license, will help change those unhappy thoughts and feelings to more happy ones.

Eventually I will find the opportunity to leave the sole reason for my unhappiness and feel like I’m really enjoying life.


3 Month Hiatus Update

Has it really been almost 3 months since I’ve posted an update? Let see… where to start… How about I go read my last few posts and see what I was up too… Be back in a jippy……….

Ahh ok… so the last real post was my 10 steps to self-care… So, let’s start there shall we.

Since August 22nd I have still be engaged in quite a bit of self-care.  I went camping in September for 2 days, I still practiced my guitar and I spent time with friends.  I even went back to the gym and started eating healthy.

I want to say that I am on a true self-care journey and I have taken the necessary steps to ensure that I stay healthy not only physically but mentally too. Since going back to the gym on the 18th of September, I have lost 12 lbs., my Anxiety has been extremely manageable and the depression has really stayed at bay.

It was actually quite random that I started to go back to the gym and give it my all. I remember having a session with my Therapist, actually talking about Self-care and that I have been doing pretty good with it except I really wanted to get back into a gym routine which would then lead to a healthier lifestyle. Of course, her being her, she challenged me. I cannot back down from a challenge, however by the next time I had a session… I simply said Nope, life got in the way and I couldn’t commit to this gym routine.  No sooner did I say that, did I ever feel so guilty. not just with the fact I didn’t commit, but I just didn’t go it. I remember that weekend I turned to K and said. We are going back to the gym on Monday… no excuses! We will do this. Sure, enough Monday came around and we did it. First gym session of many.

3 weeks later I had another session with my therapist. She was simply amazed by the progress, I remember her saying that I sounded/looked like a completely different person. Like I was able to finally feel and see clarity.

Fast forward to last week, I had my final session. Even my therapist was ok with it. She didn’t push, she didn’t caution. she simply said Go for it, you have the tools you need to test life out for a while.

So here I am, its November 12th I am staying up a bit later than my normal Sunday-Thursday Bedtime routine of 9pm and up at 5:15am… I have taken a 5-day long weekend and I am actually looking forward to getting back to work.


I do want to touch on something I have mentioned… Clarity, for once I am able to think and feel life so much clearer. I can understand when I am feeling anxious and I can address it before it blows out of portion. I am able to think clearer on my actions towards life and I find myself more connected to everything around me. Crazy as it seems… but I think this time I actually got it.


Well, this post was longer than I expected and I am sure I have left out a lot of amazing things… But that will give me more things to post and reflect on


Later Days,

The Anxious Mind

10 Things to do for Self-care

This is my first post with my new MacBook. So, I thought I would make it a good one! In my last few sessions with my Therapist, we discussed Self-care and how I need to focus on that a little bit more.  I decided to look at the 10 things I do personally for Self-Care to ensure that I am taking care of myself during the times of high Anxiety/Depression

  • Writing
    • Writing is an important piece in my self-care. When I am having a rough day I find writing is the best thing for me to work out my thoughts, help get things out of my head and essentially document my struggles so I keep track of the good and bad days.  I don’t show my writing to a lot of my friends, and that is simply because I don’t want to have to answer more questions and have concerned friends.
    • There is therapy in writing and I feel odd when I don’t get a chance to write a blog post, the thoughts stay in my head which causes my brain to overfill with all of these thoughts, problems, and anxiety.
  • Live Music
    • The second piece of my self-care is Live Music, I need to get a fix of live music at least once or twice a week. Just simply being at a pub or concert venue and watching the guitar solos, the drum beats. It just a good way to feel better. Music is a huge part of my self-care and helping me cope with my anxiety. I feel at a loss when there are weeks without live music. I crave it just as much as someone craves a chocolate bar.
  • Playing an Instrument
    • Within the last year and a bit, I picked up an acoustic guitar and started learning how to play. I found that this helped me stay grounded when I was experiencing high anxiety. If I was anxious, and I couldn’t sit still because the anxious thoughts would fill my mind, I would pick up my guitar and learn a new song. There was just something about playing my guitar that has helped me out in so many anxious situations.
  • Listening to Music (Spotify, Apple Music)
    • When I can’t experience Live Music, or Play my Guitar the next best thing is listening to music. I mostly do this at work when I am feeling stressed out and anxious. Depending on the day, my music tastes will change, its mostly old 70s rock or classics.
  • Laughing
    • Laughing is a key factor in Self-care, being surrounded by people who make you laugh instantly help to make me feel better. It helps keep my mind off things and of course, there are some internal chemical improvements when you laugh and essentially feel happy.
  • Camping
    • This is new on the list before I was never really a camper. I often chose to miss out on camping trips because of the hassle. Now I crave them. I enjoy a quiet camping trip with close friends. Where we can sit outside in the fresh air, around the camp fire and just feel relaxed. It’s now apart of the self-care list, at least for the summer months
  • Walks on the Beach hearing the waves
    • This is essential, I find that when I’m having a crummy week I just want to walk the beach, hear the waves and smell the salt water. I luck out that I live around a lot of nice beaches so this really helps with keeping me calm and helping me feel relaxed.

The last three on the list of my top 10 things I do for self-care are ones I struggle with and I often sacrifice one of them for the other.

  • Sleep
    • I barely sleep which affects my self-care, however, when I am able to rest my weary mind from doing the one of the first 7, I find I can focus on sleep. On the weeks that I can sleep, I feel better and I feel as though I can handle what is thrown at me. On the weeks that I can’t, this self-care suffers the most.
  • Healthy Eating
    • I try to eat as healthy as possible, when we cook meals at home there is always a protein, vegetable and often a carb. I find that having a balanced meal really helps. I do however struggle with eating breakfast and often settle for a cup of black coffee. I still think healthy eating is a good part of a self-care regimen
  • Exercise
    • Lastly, Exercise is a crucial part of self-care that I have often neglected, however when I was an active gym goer I really felt great. I felt like the hormones being released from exercising help my anxiety and depression, allowed me to concentrate at work and help with the previous two self-care ( sleep and healthy eating). Right now this is piece isn’t happening.. but all in due time and when this knee injury fully heals.

There you have it, folks, my 10 things for Self-Care. I am really trying to stay on the wagon and keep Self-Care apart of my daily routine and if not daily at least weekly. I always thought self-care was some baloney that people said they needed to do, I never really believed it until I started to talk about it with my therapist.

I finally understand the importance of self-care and I hope everyone practices Self-care regardless if they struggle with mental health issues or not.


The Anxious Mind.

Text and Phone Anxiety

I have a real hard time starting a phone or text conversation. I always procrastinate anyway possible before sending a message or picking up a phone to call.

I have no problems answering a phone call or text, hell I often talk peoples ears off or text them for hours. It's just that I initial text or phone call that I struggle the most.

Today since I had some free time I messaged back everyone that had messaged me through the week and texted the ones I needed to text. I know it seems like something so minimal but the fact that I took the time to do so, seems like a big deal.

Does anyone else have this? And how crippling can it be.


So I really think I need a twitter or FB account for these one line thoughts.

Maybe call it Thoughts of the Anxious Mind.. anyway..

Here’s a thought I’ve been dealing with since I found out the news about Chester from Linkin Park..

Why are all the people (celebrities) I grew up with, killing themselves. Mental health and addiction are serious things and I’m suffering from some messed up mental health stuff.. and knowing that even these guys can’t handle it… how the hell am I suppose to. 

I’m just struggling with this concept. I know I’m not friends with them, or there lives had any real connections to me. I just know that they had they could have had there hands on a lot of help and it didn’t help. The darkness became to much for them to handle.

I’m struggling…