First Guitar Playing Recording

I’m a shy guitar player, that rarely ever shows my skills. Every time someone asks me to play a song or show what I have learned I clam up and don’t do anything.

So here it is, Here is my first video of me playing a song that I truly love.

Saltwater Joys

Later Days

Advertisements

10 Things to do for Self-care

This is my first post with my new MacBook. So, I thought I would make it a good one! In my last few sessions with my Therapist, we discussed Self-care and how I need to focus on that a little bit more.  I decided to look at the 10 things I do personally for Self-Care to ensure that I am taking care of myself during the times of high Anxiety/Depression

  • Writing
    • Writing is an important piece in my self-care. When I am having a rough day I find writing is the best thing for me to work out my thoughts, help get things out of my head and essentially document my struggles so I keep track of the good and bad days.  I don’t show my writing to a lot of my friends, and that is simply because I don’t want to have to answer more questions and have concerned friends.
    • There is therapy in writing and I feel odd when I don’t get a chance to write a blog post, the thoughts stay in my head which causes my brain to overfill with all of these thoughts, problems, and anxiety.
  • Live Music
    • The second piece of my self-care is Live Music, I need to get a fix of live music at least once or twice a week. Just simply being at a pub or concert venue and watching the guitar solos, the drum beats. It just a good way to feel better. Music is a huge part of my self-care and helping me cope with my anxiety. I feel at a loss when there are weeks without live music. I crave it just as much as someone craves a chocolate bar.
  • Playing an Instrument
    • Within the last year and a bit, I picked up an acoustic guitar and started learning how to play. I found that this helped me stay grounded when I was experiencing high anxiety. If I was anxious, and I couldn’t sit still because the anxious thoughts would fill my mind, I would pick up my guitar and learn a new song. There was just something about playing my guitar that has helped me out in so many anxious situations.
  • Listening to Music (Spotify, Apple Music)
    • When I can’t experience Live Music, or Play my Guitar the next best thing is listening to music. I mostly do this at work when I am feeling stressed out and anxious. Depending on the day, my music tastes will change, its mostly old 70s rock or classics.
  • Laughing
    • Laughing is a key factor in Self-care, being surrounded by people who make you laugh instantly help to make me feel better. It helps keep my mind off things and of course, there are some internal chemical improvements when you laugh and essentially feel happy.
  • Camping
    • This is new on the list before I was never really a camper. I often chose to miss out on camping trips because of the hassle. Now I crave them. I enjoy a quiet camping trip with close friends. Where we can sit outside in the fresh air, around the camp fire and just feel relaxed. It’s now apart of the self-care list, at least for the summer months
  • Walks on the Beach hearing the waves
    • This is essential, I find that when I’m having a crummy week I just want to walk the beach, hear the waves and smell the salt water. I luck out that I live around a lot of nice beaches so this really helps with keeping me calm and helping me feel relaxed.

The last three on the list of my top 10 things I do for self-care are ones I struggle with and I often sacrifice one of them for the other.

  • Sleep
    • I barely sleep which affects my self-care, however, when I am able to rest my weary mind from doing the one of the first 7, I find I can focus on sleep. On the weeks that I can sleep, I feel better and I feel as though I can handle what is thrown at me. On the weeks that I can’t, this self-care suffers the most.
  • Healthy Eating
    • I try to eat as healthy as possible, when we cook meals at home there is always a protein, vegetable and often a carb. I find that having a balanced meal really helps. I do however struggle with eating breakfast and often settle for a cup of black coffee. I still think healthy eating is a good part of a self-care regimen
  • Exercise
    • Lastly, Exercise is a crucial part of self-care that I have often neglected, however when I was an active gym goer I really felt great. I felt like the hormones being released from exercising help my anxiety and depression, allowed me to concentrate at work and help with the previous two self-care ( sleep and healthy eating). Right now this is piece isn’t happening.. but all in due time and when this knee injury fully heals.

There you have it, folks, my 10 things for Self-Care. I am really trying to stay on the wagon and keep Self-Care apart of my daily routine and if not daily at least weekly. I always thought self-care was some baloney that people said they needed to do, I never really believed it until I started to talk about it with my therapist.

I finally understand the importance of self-care and I hope everyone practices Self-care regardless if they struggle with mental health issues or not.

Regards,

The Anxious Mind.

Text and Phone Anxiety

I have a real hard time starting a phone or text conversation. I always procrastinate anyway possible before sending a message or picking up a phone to call.

I have no problems answering a phone call or text, hell I often talk peoples ears off or text them for hours. It's just that I initial text or phone call that I struggle the most.

Today since I had some free time I messaged back everyone that had messaged me through the week and texted the ones I needed to text. I know it seems like something so minimal but the fact that I took the time to do so, seems like a big deal.

Does anyone else have this? And how crippling can it be.

Why?

So I really think I need a twitter or FB account for these one line thoughts.

Maybe call it Thoughts of the Anxious Mind.. anyway..

Here’s a thought I’ve been dealing with since I found out the news about Chester from Linkin Park..

Why are all the people (celebrities) I grew up with, killing themselves. Mental health and addiction are serious things and I’m suffering from some messed up mental health stuff.. and knowing that even these guys can’t handle it… how the hell am I suppose to. 

I’m just struggling with this concept. I know I’m not friends with them, or there lives had any real connections to me. I just know that they had they could have had there hands on a lot of help and it didn’t help. The darkness became to much for them to handle.

I’m struggling…

Burnout… again?

I have been feeling extremely bitter towards work lately which has sacked any sort of motivation and enjoyment that I use to have to when I was at work.  In my last couple sessions with my therapist I have been discussing how I have been feeling towards work and towards everything. I told her that this bitterness is getting really close to being anger/frustration. In my session about 3 weeks ago she cautioned me on this bitter feeling and telling me that if I don’t work on letting it go it can have bad side effects.

Well, that brings me up to this week. In my session on Monday, she asked how things were, and with a soft mono tone voice, I stated, Still bitter, still angry… still wish I could run away and find a new job. this is when we discussed Burnout.  She is telling me that I am on the verge of burnout and that I need to start focusing on things that bring me joy, gets me away from work and essentially find that work life balance.  I didn’t realize I was back, but according to a video she sent me its common to feel no burn out when you change a new position (1-2 years)… and guess what I am working towards year number 2 in this position.

I was burned out once before in this company as a supervisor. I use to work 48 hour weeks and not bat an eye until the politics, and plain out stupidness occurred at work. that’s when the burnout hit.

This round of burnout seems so much different though, or maybe it isn’t I just have been extremely good at covering up.  I feel so exhausted lately, and I use to chalk it up to my anxiety tiring me out, and I just do not have it in me anymore to give my 100% that I use to. The things I use to find joy in at work, I find it’s a daunting task that just has to get done. I use to love all the data analysis, all the meetings with the higher ups, the face time with the client, Now all I want to do is sit alone away from everyone and attempt to concentrate on something else.  Each day I feel as if I completed a marathon run. It’s the same routine. Wake up, get ready, get coffee, go to work, put on a fake face, pretend to enjoy your day/life until 5 pm, come up, cook supper and relax.. knowing you have to repeat it over and over again.

I don’t want to be a complete negative nancy here, I am rather thankful that this time around I have a good support system of friends, and a therapist to help get me through this.  Until my next session, I really need to focus on some life things and strive away from work. I need to focus on the joys of life so that when I do get to work, its does not feel like it’s torture.

In closing, I am just burned out! I am essentially an empty shell on auto pilot until I get out of work. I’m a different person when I’m away from work!

Regards,

The Burnt out Anxious Mind