I have been feeling extremely bitter towards work lately which has sacked any sort of motivation and enjoyment that I use to have to when I was at work. In my last couple sessions with my therapist I have been discussing how I have been feeling towards work and towards everything. I told her that this bitterness is getting really close to being anger/frustration. In my session about 3 weeks ago she cautioned me on this bitter feeling and telling me that if I don’t work on letting it go it can have bad side effects.
Well, that brings me up to this week. In my session on Monday, she asked how things were, and with a soft mono tone voice, I stated, Still bitter, still angry… still wish I could run away and find a new job. this is when we discussed Burnout. She is telling me that I am on the verge of burnout and that I need to start focusing on things that bring me joy, gets me away from work and essentially find that work life balance. I didn’t realize I was back, but according to a video she sent me its common to feel no burn out when you change a new position (1-2 years)… and guess what I am working towards year number 2 in this position.
I was burned out once before in this company as a supervisor. I use to work 48 hour weeks and not bat an eye until the politics, and plain out stupidness occurred at work. that’s when the burnout hit.
This round of burnout seems so much different though, or maybe it isn’t I just have been extremely good at covering up. I feel so exhausted lately, and I use to chalk it up to my anxiety tiring me out, and I just do not have it in me anymore to give my 100% that I use to. The things I use to find joy in at work, I find it’s a daunting task that just has to get done. I use to love all the data analysis, all the meetings with the higher ups, the face time with the client, Now all I want to do is sit alone away from everyone and attempt to concentrate on something else. Each day I feel as if I completed a marathon run. It’s the same routine. Wake up, get ready, get coffee, go to work, put on a fake face, pretend to enjoy your day/life until 5 pm, come up, cook supper and relax.. knowing you have to repeat it over and over again.
I don’t want to be a complete negative nancy here, I am rather thankful that this time around I have a good support system of friends, and a therapist to help get me through this. Until my next session, I really need to focus on some life things and strive away from work. I need to focus on the joys of life so that when I do get to work, its does not feel like it’s torture.
In closing, I am just burned out! I am essentially an empty shell on auto pilot until I get out of work. I’m a different person when I’m away from work!
The Burnt out Anxious Mind