To Disappear 

“That was before I learned how to Disappear”

I have been listening to this song on repeat for a while now, and although there is a different meaning to the song. There is a line in the song that I feel rather close to.

The line goes “That was before I learned how to Disappear”. I have trouble describing in words really how I have been feeling and every time I listen to this song it just resonates with me. I feel as though I am finding ways to disappear, without really realizing it. It just really makes me reflect on what am I doing here.  

Sometimes when I listen to that particular line I often wonder what life would be if I disappeared… not disappear life but just runaway from what I’m going through now and just start my life over somewhere else. It’s that ideology of running away from what scares me and so I have been slowly learning how to disappear. I have been learning to keep my friendship circles small, learned not to make commitments and have learned that it’s extremely exhausting trying to face all of this.

Another part of the song towards the end goes: “I lose sight of the miracle, Find myself going round and round in circles” and I really believe that is how my life is going right now. I get so caught up in my head and these thoughts that I often lose sight on what is actually happening. I know I am not going anywhere but because I am so lost in my thoughts sometimes I just lose sight on a lot of things.

If you really knew me you’d understand that music is something that has really helped me explain my struggles sometimes. There are always songs that I particularly get attached too, and it is usually just choruses or certain lines. And the two I have mentioned here has really been something on my mind lately. 

I have a whole playlist that I listen to on repeat when I just need to find ways to describe my thoughts. It’s the only way I feel safe sometimes. 

Here is that playlist: That Moment When….. 
Sorry for the early morning rambles, and the fact that this post seems rather scrambled. I just had to get something written out. I’ve written a lot lately and for once my head is starting to feel lighter.


The Anxious Mind


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